did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize