I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
