Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
