You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
