He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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