Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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