you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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