i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
