Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Less talking, more tequila
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
