I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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