So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
