woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
