I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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