so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
