if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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