I showed him my bush... on skype.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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