There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
