I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
