Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
