I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
