I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
