this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
