And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize