So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize