did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
