Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
