Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
