Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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