What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
how do you play pong handcuffed?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
