Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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