Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
