Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
