Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
