went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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