I cockslap morals
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
