you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
