I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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