but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
