i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
