Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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