ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
