you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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