I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
