Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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