i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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