After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
