I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
