Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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