i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
