they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
