are you still at the devil's house?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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