Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize