worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've blown a few things in my day
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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