all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
