Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just come out here and I will go home with you...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
