Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
