If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
