I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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