I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
