he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
