in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
