some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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