wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Found the puke drawer
Sorry my hands just texted you
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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