Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Who wears a wallet chain?!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
