i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize