Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
