well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
