I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
