I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
