im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
