i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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