so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
