I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
