What a fucking waste of an outfit
from now on my penis is your penis
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
barbara walters just said penis...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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