Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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