break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
