at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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